Once more…with feeling

They are good that are away.”- Scottish proverb

A habit is defined as an action  that is repeated until it becomes routine. We all have habits good or bad. These actions are intentional or reflexive but they become simply the way we get things done. Life is full of the habits that we have developed and whether we call them schedules or patterns or customs, or as my therapists refers to them as “manifestations of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder“, they are with us always. For two months I had developed a habit of writing in this blog on an almost daily basis. It had become a habit. As my schedule became fuller due to the return of the kids to school I found myself writing less and less often. This also tended to be at the same time that I had seriously decreased the frequency in my drinking alcohol. Now, I am not sure if my writing enabled my drinking or my drinking enabled my writing. Due to this, I have decided to return to doing both. Furthermore since my current lack of health insurance means that I have no way of entering a recovery program to cure either of this unhealthy habits, I foresee myself staying of this path of dual destruction for quite a while.

I used to motivate myself to write on a daily basis by the belief that I was actually entertaining the masses. After a bit of time had passed I revisited some of my old writings and realized that frankly they just weren’t that entertaining. This caused me to reflect on why I actually wrote at all. The ugly truth is that I write because I enjoy it and i have to stop lying to myself about having any other altruistic reason for doing so. So, if by chance you happen to suppress your gag reflex long enough get at least a bit of enjoyment from this pile o’ crap, then that is a fortunate bonus for me. At least you can have a moment of gratitude that I don’t live next door to you.

Well enough with the self-serving explanation of why I have been away, let’s get back to the insignificant minutia with which I am endlessly obsessed.

Speaking  of habits, I spent the entire summer playing a sort of poor man’s Mrs. Doubtfire except without the copious amount of body hair and without the awkward sexual confusing undertones. As the summer closed and the school year began, I came to realize several things. First of all, my children’s favorite fruit is bacon. Secondly, I came to learn that both babysitters and bus drivers are critically overpaid. I also learned that daytime drinking isn’t as much fun when you have to traverse the hostile environment that is the unbridled chaos that is a Middle school student pick-up area.
However, I continued to thoroughly enjoy the cooking of dinners and pretending to do laundry. I believe that at some point I am going to just burn all of the dressers in my home and replace them with plastic hampers as it seems that is the only way our family is able to store their clothes, besides that will mean far less dusting. I was cruising through my new relaxed schedule when I started to learn that apparently in our modern age money is actually necessary to buy those little luxuries in life. you know, those extravagant things like …food and shelter. I swear I sure do regret spoiling  my kids by raising them to expect things like food to eat and actually sleeping inside. I sure won’t that mistake again.
Therefore, I was forced to face the ugly truth, I had to go (gasp) back to work. Sorry Maury Povitch, you are going to have to wade in the shallow end of the gene pool all by yourself. (Sniff) “You are not the father“(sniff). I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I gots to go get paid.Luckily, I was able to find a position doing what I do best, namely sitting on my tuckus and running my mouth. It’s nice to have a calling in life.
Speaking of habits, when you have worked at one place for a substantial amount of time you grow accustomed to the specific culture that the company has and when you go someplace new it takes some adjustment to get used to that new culture. I came from the blue-collar world dominated by males and into  the white-collar world where the majority of workers are young women. At my new job, the people in charge manage their business whereas at my old job the people in charge tended to manage to do stupid things that just ticked me off.
The other major cultural difference is the basis difference that occurs between men and women. At my old job, Monday morning became a live version of sports radio, without the ads for drugs promising “Enhancement”(creepy). The guys would gather around and dissect the football games of the previous weekend and congratulate themselves on their vast knowledge of sports.At my new job there is stories of how great dinner with the boyfriends were and how great their new outfit makes them feel. Unfortunately, this feminizing influence also affects some of the men that work here. Yesterday while exiting the restroom I passed a man wearing a University of Arkansas polo. I, being a football fan, struck up a conversation about what he thought of the Razorbacks’ quest for a new coach. He responded that the shirt was just a gift and was indignant that I would misconstrue his garment choice as an indication of his interest in collegiate sports. Well, excuse the bleep out of me. I have a crazy aunt  that used to send me maidenform bras every Christmas but that doesn’t mean I am going to wear them to work. And if I do decide to wear them on “really casual Fridays” you can bet your sweet butt that I will expect you to make certain judgement about me based on what I am wearing.
Speaking of fashion, there are some certain other cultural differences between my current job and the ones in the past. The predominance of young women has the most profound effect in what one wears to work. My old workplace insisted on us wearing uniforms in Satan‘s favorite color, drab green. At my new job casual days meant the wearing of a pair of comfortable jeans and a polo shirt. At this new job, it seems to mean one comes to work in a micro-mini skirt and a pair of “F-me” high heels. I don’t mind so much as everyone likes looking at people dressed well but the problem is that the air conditioning in the building is really cold and my knees are starting to chafe.
So although it may take some adjustment on my part, I look forward to this job becoming the old job that I complain about when I get a new job. I would love to keep on this writing kick but I have to go now.
Its Florida/Georgia Weekend………
 And there is another habit of mine that I am about to indulge.