And they call me odd

 

C-3PO: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.

Han Solo: Never tell me the odds.

Batting averages, success rates, chances of rain, amount of Ivory soap that is pure……the world is just chock full of percentages. And unlike grammar,spelling, and dividing fractions, understanding percentages is one of the actual useful skills still being taught in today’s public schools. It’s a simple concept that even the most feeble of minds can comprehend and in fact, the most difficult thing about percentages in our modern world is finding the percentage sign on the computer keyboard. By the way, it’s on the 5. So, sorry Han Solo, but I am about to drop some serious odds knowledge on ya.

  • Chance of successfully navigating asteroid field: 2.68%
  • Chance that, prior to them finding out they were siblings, that Luke and Leia “hooked up”: 40%
  • According to Time magazine, percentage of Americans who would like Bruce Springsteen to compose a new National Anthem: 22%
  • Based on my experience at football games, percentage of people who think the actual national anthem is currently either Lee Greenwood‘s “Proud to be an American” or “Sweet Home Alabama” : 73%
  • According to famous quote by Thomas Edison, percentage of success that is inspiration: 10%. Percentage of success that is perspiration: 90%
  • Percentage of people in front of me in line at Wal-mart  wearing deodorant: 13%
  • Percentage of people in Alaska that walk to work: 11%
  • Percentage of Alaskans eaten by bears while walking to work: 10.75%
  • Percentage of greeting cards purchased by women: 93%
  • Percentage of greeting cards that were actually mailed: 18%
  • Success rates of flu shots: 70%
  • Success rates of tequila shots: 116%
  • In the U.S.A., percentage of people who work while eating lunch: 32%
  • In the U.S.A, percentage of people referred to as “ass-kissers” or “brown-noses” by their co-workers: 32%
  • Odds of me finding, a previously forgotten, bag of high quality coffee beans in my pantry: 19%
  • Odds of me being out of half-and-half on that same day: 97%
  • Percentage of serial killers that like powdered creamers: 98.58%
  • Amount of watermelon that is actually water: 92%
  • Amount of watermelon that is actually seeds: 75%
  • According to the federal government, percentage of Americans that eat fast food on a daily basis: 25%
  • Chances of actually getting what you order when you go through the drive thru: 9.6%
  • Percent of girls in Bangladesh that are married by age 18: 73%
  • Percent of people who just turned the word,”Bangledesh” into a sex joke: 58%
  • According to surveys, amount of American married men who have cheated on their wives: 70%
  • Percentage of married women that ,after being cheated on, do some revenge cheating of their own: 85%
  • Percentage of unfaithful men who can say “@#$*” about their wives cheating: 0%
  • Odds of breaking your toe after hitting it on edge of chair: 8%
  • Odds that you will hit that same toe on every piece of furniture in the house: 95%
  • According to Time magazine, percentage of American 4 year olds that are obese: 20%
  • Percentage of Americans who  watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo that are responsible for the decay of civilization: 100%
  • Percentage of  people in Kentucky that are teenagers the first time they get married: 50%
  • Percentage of those people in Kentucky whose first marriage does not involve their cousin: 12%
  • Chances that I give a rat’s ass about anything having to do with Kentucky: 0%
  • Percentage of Americans that know the sun is a star: 55%
  • Percentage of Americans that think Kim Kardasian is even though she serves no actual purpose and has become little more than a wart on the rather large backside of American pop culture: 24%
  • Odds of me finishing this post without getting distracted or sidetracked: 3%
  • Percent of U.S. male college students that think life is a “meaningless existential hell”: 27%
  • Percent of U.S. male college students that are a complete buzz kill to be around: 27%
  • Percentage of readers of this blog that probably are convinced that I need professional help: 85%
  • Percentage of readers that are correct: 85%

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s