Spellcheck is good enough for me

I have been thinking a lot lately about my passions.

I could  never be one of those people that just goes through life in a general malaise. To just go through the hum drum style of life that some people choose seems like a true hell on earth. I don’t want to just survive life, and this is obvious by some of the decisions I make, I want to live it. I want to live with passion. I want to test the best this buffet of life has to offer and occasionally go back for seconds. I enjoy the experiences that define who I am, even if nobody else gets it.

That is a great thesis statement but defining that general concept is really rather tricky. To do so, one must clearly identify what our passions are. This is about the things that we love. No, not the whole family, friends, and religion thing. If you actually have to put that part of your passions into words in order to validate it then you are just a pathetic and sad human being. I am talking about those little inconsequential, as  they may seem, details that transform existence into actual life. For me, my loves are simple. I love words.

No, not that crappy Facebook version of scrabble. I am talking about the way that you can paint a picture with nothing more than language. I love the nuance of a really great phrase. I love how you can even draw tears with a cutting remark. Sticks and stones….I don’t need no sticks. I also love the way the English language is such a living language. I know that the ancient Romans are seen as the high point in civilization, but I could never take Latin serious as a language. All those “ium”s and “ius”s just drive me crazy. No, English is my lady and I love here very much.

One of the great things about English is the way it is such a living language. I love the way that English has borrowed parts of all the languages in the world and used those formerly foreign words to create something new and alive. Let’s face it. English is the P. Diddy of the linguistic world.

I guess it is a big egotistical to refer to it as a living language. I believe a more proper way to frame it is as a zombie language. As any one who has had the misfortune to take public transportation recently can attest to, just when you think the language has died, there is always some little glimmer of life that keeps it going. The language is fortunate that it is not a zombie because if any thing in this neighborhood had to feed on brains, it would definitely starve. Additionally, the language has survived decades of its so called “protectors”, English teachers, doing their best to kill it with forced lessons about things like diagramming sentences and rhyme scheme.

Further proof of the uniqueness of the English language is the way that its holy book, The Dictionary, is forced to add new words on a yearly basis. However after reviewing the words added in the last two years, maybe its time to cease  this exercise.  Here is just a few of the words that have been added recently and their definitions that I just made up. Yeah, like I am going to go buy a new dictionary each year. If Wikipedia can’t define it, then neither can I .

  • “f-bomb” – polite way of referring to the word “fuck”. Only used by people on broadcast television and those who have never heard me talk…ever.
  • “aha moment”- that point in time during the trivia game at the local wing place where you remember the name of the Norwegian band that sang “Take on Me
  • “bucket list”- those plumbing items at Home Depot that you send your wife to buy because she said that there is no way in hell she is going to dig through every container in that disgusting garage for one $1.07 piece of PVC
  • “craft beer”-beer. Not to be confused with “crap beer” which is just another word for Miller Lite
  • “earworm”- Eewwwwww! Grosss!
  • “tipping point”- that defined moment it changes from a waiter providing quality customer service to him just basically kissing your ass
  • “game changer”- your wedding night. And by the way the game was Life and you just lost.
  • “boomerang child”- a kid born in Australia. See also bandicoot baby, Tasmanian toddler and  didgeridoo daughter
  • “robocall”- the worst Robocop sequel of the all or any telephone conversation with Kristen Stewart
  • “sexting”- the act of being a perve on the phone as well as in real life. Usually reserved for lone men pretending to be teenagers and for members of Congress
  • “Cyberbullying”- taking your douchbaggery to the internet
  • vuvuzela“- reason number 235,685 that I hate soccer
  • “jeggings”- Funny, they were jeans when you bought them.
  • “cougar”- Sad, older woman that seeks sexual congress with younger men. Male version is referred to as a pedophile
  • “retweet”- Oh goody. Now you can repeat the things that I didn’t care about when other people told me.

And finally, there is “walk-off”- what you should have done when you saw this post.



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