Why I’m the way I am…..or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome never goes away

Its been a bit of a weird Sunday. Its was overcast and still awe fully humid today and when the weather is like that it drives me inside. Once inside I have a choice: do the laundry, paint the bathroom or get all introspective and pick my brain for something idiotic to say. Guess which one i chose. Let’s just say that I have been wearing an old bathing suit in lieu of shorts today and there is not a drop cloth nor paint roller in sight, so guess what? I have decided to let this little piece of refuse that I toss into the world on a daily basis live up to its name today. Therefore, he is the things I have learned edition of “the things I have learned”. So throw back the curtains and peek into the window that is my soul.

In no particular order:

  • I still know how to make a pretty decent pizza but can’t find the secret to Crazy Bread.
  • In every picture I take I look like I am squinting.
  • Friends make you feel like you are not TOO broken
  • I believe that the guy who actually saw “a bull in a china shop”  probably got trampled to death.
  • There are some movies that I cannot resist watching even when they are in an edited version on commercial t.v. despite the fact that I own them on dvd.
  • When I am working on the computer, it is either too dark or too light and I can never seem to fix that.
  • We need more bathrooms at our house.
  • Whenever I read the words “it’s a trap”, the voice in my head is Admiral Ackbar’s.
  • Direct TV has been with out any Viacom owned channels for four days now and I am starting to go into Spongebob withdrawal.
  • On the same note, I am celebrating a Snooki-free week.
  • The E! network should not be able to refer to anything they do as “news”
  • I really miss football.
  • If you are a famous chef and you start appearing on QVC, you are officially a hack.
  • I love going to the baseball park with my son and concerts with my daughter.
  • I love going anywhere with my wife.
  • If you say that you love your job then you are either lucky or lying.
  • Sunday evenings move by faster than Monday mornings.
  • Going to a new job is like the first day of school.
  • You still don’t complete everything you want to when you are off work.
  • I really love local craft beers and the local drinking establishments that serve them.
  • We need a better wings place on this side of town.
  • I regret nothing but apologize for everything.
  • I think the whole zombie thing is officially played out.
  • I forget that George Clooney ever played Batman, and I bet he hopes everybody else does too.
  • Although on cereal commercials it seems ok for ppl to just hang out in their bathrobes, in real life it’s really creepy.
  • I don’t care if it costs more, I am shopping at Publix.
  • Whenever I go bike riding, my right hand goes to sleep. I guess it doesn’t want to exercise either.
  • The Fairly Oddparents was a better show before they had the baby.
  • Nobody uses the term”jumping the shark” anymore, but they should.
  • I wish I could make everybody’s life better.
  • I really really miss football.
  • I don’t know if I am any good at writing but I know that I feel better when I do it.
  • I wish I was a better typist.
  • I don’t think that dinosaurs made the sounds that movies say they do.
  • I think everyone in Hollywood has been on Law and Order at least once.
  • It’s early July, don’t make me look at school supplies for at least another 3 weeks.
  • I am going to miss being the parent of an elementary school student, A LOT.
  • Jaws needs to be on tv more often and Two and a half Men needs to be on “not at all”.
  • I think the Bruce Willis character David Addison from Moonlighting made me more of who I am today than any body else…except for Weird Al.
  • I need a Dole Whip from Disney World and a Hurricane from the Pat O’Brien’s on Bourbon street and everything will be fine.
  • Twitter proves that celebrities say stupid crap too.
  • I never want to stop learning new things.
  • The more other people drink, the funnier I get.
  • I don’t miss being shy.
  • Seeing the people you grew up with get older doesn’t bother me but seeing their younger siblings do it freaks me out.
  • I don’t know half as much as I need to but I am working on it.
  • If you plan out a bad idea, I guarantee you will have a whole lotta fun.
  • I need more coffee.
  • Its time to go.
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