Listologeography

It’s a lie. I know it’s a lie. It felt like the truth when I said it and yet within moments it became a lie . It’s not the first time I have told this lie and it will not be the last. In fact, I seem to tell this lie more often every year. They say that confession is good for the soul, so here it goes. The lie I tell is,”I will get more organized” But the stark truth is that I probably won’t ever. Oh, I have bought the calendars and planners, down loaded the apps and formatted the word documents, and  have enough legal pads at my house to qualify for the Florida Bar Association but none of it seems to help. Sure I make the lists, but I never seem to follow them. I like to be organized, I just can’t seem to be organized enough to get organized.

I envy the “planners” out there. They never know the pain of loading the dishwasher and being out of those little tablet-thingies. They don’t understand the feeling of total ineptitude of having to pass off that devil’s brew that is unsweetened tea because you forgot to buy sugar. They don’t know the mental strain of having to figure the proper ratio to mix the heavy cream and skim milk in order to concoct some thing resembling half-and-half. The will never know that feeling of abject terror when you see the utility truck drive down the street and you are not really sure if you paid the light bill this month…or was that last month.

However frustrating it is to let my addiction to chaos mean that we run out of stuff occasionally, it is worse when the lack of organization starts to lead to an abundance of things you don’t need.  Now, the cast and crew of Hoarders haven’t shown up yet but I am afraid they may be on the way.

Not my kitchen…my fridge is white

Due to my lack of  “getting my bleep together”, before I head to the store, I currently have 6 bottles of shampoo in my bathroom. The only problem is that we have a total of only 4 human heads residing in our home.So, I need to either adopt another two heads, or find a use for Pantene that their corporation did not intend. And while it does have a lovely fruity smell, it does not make a suitable apéritif.

The kitchen seems to be where my lack of pre-shopping preparation does the most damage. I have possession of 3 chars of chopped parsley. I hate chopped parsley as it is the most useless of the broad leaf herbs. I had contemplated bagging it up and trying to make a few bucks down at the local community college  but my wife reminded me about The Oregano Incident of 2002.  I guess that means I will just have to use it as garnish. “Stop complaining about the green stuff. Just set it aside and finish your Cocoa Puffs”.

Cocoa Puffs

I wish there was an easier way. Maybe when the lawnmower is out of gas, we could buy a goat or I could remind the kids that the asked for peanut butter and jelly, not peanut butter, jelly, and bread. But I have to face the truth. I have to get organized. I will get organized. I am starting right now. I am going to make a list of the things we need from the store. What do you mean we don’t have any pens?

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